I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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