The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
