I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
