Is it because I queefed?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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