Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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