Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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