I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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