C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
