Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
