Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize