I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
