hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
