My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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