you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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