Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
