I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
