don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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