4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
