I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
