My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
