HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
