i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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