a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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