Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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