maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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