i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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