3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
