so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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