she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
