I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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