I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
