You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize