i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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