he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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