FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
