One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
