oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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