I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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