What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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