if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
ok first of all what the fuck
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
