my phone needs a breathalizer
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
