No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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