it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
