Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
