You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
