My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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