We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
