We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It was confusing and full of hummus
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.