If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!