She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.