I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...