So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
