Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.