OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
