just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
