It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
