omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
