You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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