dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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