I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
