Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
