Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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