so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
