I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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