Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
