real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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