My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
