I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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