i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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