i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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