so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
