what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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