she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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