so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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