i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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