i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
